the weight of bodies

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Val |3 comments

something from a while ago: i once heard my neighbor screaming for help. i finally located a pair of feet sticking out from under his Chrysler. a disturbing resemblance to the wicked witch. the tire jack akimbo. his chest pinned …

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something else

Posted on January 26, 2013 by Val |11 comments

  I got an xray the other day. hold your breath. relax. arms here. i’m going to scoot you forward. okay, hold your breath. relax. all done. And the efficient young twerp began reviewing my “films” before I’d left the …

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drop and give me 20

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Val |3 comments

she sat in the white chair near the couch and offered me 20 of her years. and i smiled and said, oh cynthia. but her eyes were serious.  i could tell she had sat in some other chair or maybe …

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Posted on November 23, 2012 by Val |0 comments

the second joy

Posted on November 3, 2012 by Val |5 comments

i have so many pieces of paper that i must consider here in this house: taxes, medical insurance, last will and testament. but instead i watch ellen on tv, check the latest poll results, walk the dog. this dog has …

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baby heads

Posted on August 24, 2012 by Val |3 comments

it is all, only, ever, life. on going. and once again, it is different than how i ever imagined it could be. and once again there is sleep at night, breakfast in the morning.  i check to see how my …

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i was ten pounds and two weeks late for my birthday. my mother was 44 and a half that day. one year older than i am now. not that you need to know that. it isn’t at all relevant to …

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tethered until further notice

Posted on July 3, 2012 by Val |1 comment

i will tell you secrets. horrible secrets: my chest is tight. my breathing more labored.  i imagine the solid gelatinous masses pining for one another. merging at some unknown moment and pinching off the air in me. the trachea. the middle …

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the underside looking up

Posted on June 9, 2012 by Val |3 comments

i am waking up this morning. if my body is under me, or on top of me, hard to tell. then i am standing.  and the slant in this old floor pitches me sideways more than usual. that is a clue. there are …

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thank you

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Val |1 comment

people have been so generous. and it breaks my heart.  thank you. the  people i love and people i do not know. making this commitment to this idea. or to me. i don’t know which. sacrificing some small thing they …

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quicksilver out the seams

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Val |4 comments

6 weeks ago i went on a bike ride today. in an utterly innocent body. there is no hint or ache or muted scream from any of the four corners of the beast. all is perfectly seated pistons. eager happy …

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In the eddies of lateral time

Posted on April 2, 2012 by Val |2 comments

my great uncle laurence was a skeleton in a plaid shirt with a crooked belt and he hated wildlife and baby kittens. he once soaked a cow carcass in gasoline and lit it on fire so the coyotes wouldn’t eat it. they didn’t. and it just sat at the end of the meadow and rotted. and my dad with the weakest stomach on Indian creek. the worst barbecue ever.

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the grass the mastodons and your homeland

Posted on February 28, 2012 by Val |3 comments

i will tell you about this thing. but i can’t tell it all at once. there is no road to summary. i want so very much to be able to answer accurately people who ask me how i am. i …

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The Urge to Kill

Posted on June 26, 2008 by Val |0 comments

Back in the saddle again. Maybe a little less lucid than sometimes. Pain pills and their support staff of diuretics . The last few days have been an exploration of what this body of mine will do with this particular …

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Posted on June 15, 2008 by Val |0 comments

Excellent lovely people, i am, or would like to call myself a documentarian. a noticer of things interesting, an asker of questions. I realize that many of you have found yourselves the subject of my scrutiny in the past and …

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piece by piece

Posted on June 8, 2008 by Val |0 comments

i am no longer feeling terror. which is such a relief.
what i feel mostly is a great deal of wonder. suddenly this amazing organic community of people that i love; that i have always known and relished; has bloomed. like some 20 year perennial. here, suddenly is a graceful flower of such remarkable visual force. such heart-stopping beauty.

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Some moments last longer than others

Posted on June 2, 2008 by Val |0 comments

my friends. ABSTRACTION: there is before and there is after. and then there is the chance that it is all a big mistake and then there is again. again after that. That. a still and condensed moment when i was …

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